Detective Hank. Gritty. Determined. Always surrounded by dramatic fog for some reason.
This is a short sample from one of the stories in our recently released Everything Sucks Anthology. Read. Laugh. Share with all your friends. And family. And the guy next to you on the bus. Seriously, don’t shut up about it.
Jon’s grin grew to face-eating proportions. “What do you think of when I say . . .” (one last pause for effect) Detective Hank and the Black Widow?
“No fuckin’ way!” Al leapt off the couch, throwing hands in the air as he rose.
Jon savored his golden moment.
Al gushed on. “Oh man, I ate those books for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when I was . . . oh, musta been about fourteen or fifteen. Oh, wow, I am old!”
Jon threw back his head and let out the triumphant hollar he’d been waiting all day to enjoy. “I knew I had you figured right! Man, Haggerty was king of the pulps, wasn’t he?”
Al nodded. “Damn right! Martin J. Haggerty was tops, no one else came close. Shit, I can’t believe someone in 19 friggin’ 81 wrote a Detective Hank movie!”
“I know!” Jon shouted, unable to suppress the slobbering fanboy within.
Al returned to the couch, practically panting with excitement. He didn’t outright hate most of the projects he attached himself to, but it was rare he ever found one he wanted to really sink his producer claws into. Find the money, assemble a team, and move on was his typical involvement. “So the script is a winner?”
“Oh god no!” Jon said as he picked up the script and unceremoniously dropped it. “No, this script is awful, my cat could crap a better one, I’m interested in the idea. I figure we call . . .” he squinted at the name typed under the title. “Montgomery Sheldon–what an awful pen name–we butter him up, get him to sign over the rights, and kick it to the best script doctor we know of. With a set of guidelines, of course.”
“Strict guidelines!” Al interjected.
Jon fixed Al with a serious gaze, and replied with the sincerity of a Minister, “I promise, I will protect Detective Hank with my life.”
“You’re a god among mice, Jon. Mice.” A moment of silence passed. “So who do we like for the cast?”
Jon shrugged. “Not my department. I just truffle pig the scripts.”
“I’m bringin’ ya in, buddy.”
“Can you do that? I thought producers just wrangled investors and yelled at directors.”
Al’s mouth puckered and his nostrils flared. “I am shocked, shocked that someone on my staff told you what I do!”
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